I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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