seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize