the new term for farting is butt boxing.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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