Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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