So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
