i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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