Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
