Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
