I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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