I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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