My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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