some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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