Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sorry about my life...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
