did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
