There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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