you turned your livingroom into a bong?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
