I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
