My room smells like vodka and shame
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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