So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
