We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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