Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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