D3 body, D1 cock
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just had sex on a roof
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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