A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She needs sedatives and a leash
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
