I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
