Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I had to cum in my sink.
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