Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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