guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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