i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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