but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
