Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
it's like heaven, but drunker
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
