i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize