I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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