if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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