Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
