i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
there's paper in my vomit.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
