please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You can't motorboat a personality
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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