I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
