This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize