I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
