He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i just had sex bonerless
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
