You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
