i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
