just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
