the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
