Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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