oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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