Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
