You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
