true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
