I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
