You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
