Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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