you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
