Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize