we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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