first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
