Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
