More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize