I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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