I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
