you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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