I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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