I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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