You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
