Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
