I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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