i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
