First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
