Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
