Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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