to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I need to align my fucking chakras
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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