he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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